Life is too short to spend it arguing your decisions to people around you. You don’t always need to have a the best argument for making a specific decision. Some decisions are ok to be taken just because. So, how do we deal with negative people around us, who start arguing every single decision we make, every single minute of our life?
Remember that when people judge you and your life, it is actually themselves who they judge, not you. People speak their own frustrations, and their own fears. It is not about you, but just about them. I am not saying to ignore every feedback you receive, just start making a clear separation between constructive feedback and negativity.
When someone comes to you with a negative attitude and comments ask yourself the following questions:
- Is this person an expert this area/on this subject?
- Is there something I can learn from this person? Can she or he be my mentor?
If the answer is NO to these questions, then obviously you are just wasting your time listening to all that negativity. I find it amusing how people have the tendency (myself included sometimes) to give advices: 1. without being asked, and 2. in areas they have no idea of. Some have good intentions (like I do myself), but that still doesn’t make their arguments good.
If your answer is YES, and, if you can get passed the negative tone, then perhaps you could listen to the information given and select what you can use for yourself.
Next tips are for those situations where the people around you don’t have the knowledge, nor the expertise to be giving “advices” but they still do it in a negative manner:
- Don’t take it personal. People have the tendency to criticize others. It easier to criticize someone’s actions instead of trying to understand why they act they way they do. They express their own frustrations when they do so. A person who has value and knowledge to share, doesn’t force you to listen to them, they wait for you to come to them and ask for advice.
- Don’t try to argument your decisions. Don’t try to prove that you are right. Don’t waste your time and energy with that.
- Say your opinion. You don’t always have to be “polite” and agree with whatever others tell you. (we are talking about negative people here). Have the courage to say that you don’t agree with what they are saying, and that you are not willing to listen to them.
- Start saying “NO” and “I don’t”. I don’t agree with you, I don’t like what you are saying now. I don’t like it. And the best part is that you DON’T need to have a logical explanation for why you don’t agree or why you don’t like that.
- Try to avoid negative people. You don’t need and you don’t have to spend time with negative people. Avoid them. Say no when they invite you for a coffee. Surround yourself with people that have the same dreams and visions and goals as you. Stay true to your vision and your goals. Friends come and go. Your vision is what gives sense to your life.
Next, here are some tips for you, things you can try to do to improve yourself, and increase your self-confidence. More about that you can read in my post here. (how to increase your self-confidence):
- Be vulnerable. Surround yourself by people who share the same vision and values. Create a support group around you. These are your friends. These are your new friends. Let go of the negative friends.
- Start helping others. The best way for learning is by teaching others.
- Start asking yourself: Why should I believe this person? Why is she/he saying that?
Always compare yourself with … yourself. With the old you, the one from yesterday. Not with someone else.
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